As the mangapachadi is on the threshold of completing three hundred and sixty five days with her co-inhabitant, here are some valuable life truths that have been discovered on this long, unwinding journey.
1) It is better to make morkuzhambu than lecture about feminism:
Medha Patkar might have had her way, lecturing about abandoning the kitchen and fighting for women’s rights. That’s probably because she had an awesome cook at home who made hot, piping sambhar. For the rest of the world, mor kuzhambu it is, with freshly cooked pooshnika to soak it up.
2) In times of conflict of interest in the television viewing segment, Prannoy Roy wins:
Remember those cute couples in advertisements adorably fighting over the remote and finally reaching a consensus on what movie to watch? Yeah, those things don’t happen in real life. News channels rule the roost. And if not news, death by test cricket it is! The slightest of protests will be met by a glare and a stern facial expression and needless to say a mini session on the importance of current affairs.
3) A for aviyal, B for beans paruppu usili…
Rewind to a warm, sunny day in spinsterhood where mom serves chow chow kootu and rasam. I swallow the above mentioned mundane items reluctantly, dreaming of a green future where kadai paneer and mouth watering spaghetti is the order of the day.
Reality check: The H is an avid south indian traditional brahmin food gorger. So here I am learning the alphabet all over again! A for aviyal, B for beans paruppu usili, C for chow chow kootu…
4) It is okay to murder a guest but…
You must be wondering what crime can be more heinous than murder. Though the Indian Penal Code doesn’t rate any act higher than this, there certainly seems to be one such crime from which there is no salvation. The act I am talking about is the gifting of a 2 X 2 piece of cloth that is commonly known in tambrahm households as a “blouse bit”, to any guest of the fairer sex who makes the mistake of visiting you. Though the probability of a blouse bit transforming into an actual blouse is actually zero, the blouse bit must be given. Abstaining from doing so will lead to catastrophic results.
5) Your neighbourhood darshini *is* a fine dining restaurant
It doesn’t matter if couples around you go on a European holiday, upload pictures of fondue and plum parfait on instagram and exchange exquisite diamond rings. All that you will get is one plate mini meals at Mayur Sagar and if you are lucky, one half coffee.