Tambram weddings are all about colors, Kanjeevarams and uncanny mozhams of malli poo. You may immediately register a protest claiming that the event is inherently about the two people on the stage, exchanging marital vows and it is they, who are the fulcrum of the event; the glue that binds everyone together. Of course, I cannot disagree with that. Any tambram event needs a hapless couple on the dais, one dedicated vaadhyar maama lazily chanting some slokas whilst fingering a mobile phone, a mandatory dabara tumbler filled with coffee by his side, and a couple of madisar maamis running from pillar to post. But what is the essence of a tambram wedding? What must an event possess in order to qualify as an agmark tambram event?
Don’t fret! I’ve made a list
1) The “what next” maami: The quintessential maami who likes to pop the “what next” question. She is a living nightmare to people of all age groups. The what-next maami would question the skinny, nerdy schoolboy about when his impending board exams are. She would question the 20-something bachelor on his reluctance to shed his singular status. And for a society that is remarkably hush hush about … err, certain delicate matters, this maami would demonstrate her progressive nature by popping the “when is the child coming?” question to couples.
2) The puritanical English speaking maama: This maama loves to indulge in Wodehousian English. He would begin any conversation with “In those days…” and go on to explain as to why the early 20’s were the best times to live on the planet. He would lament about the younger generation’s irreverence towards the Queens’ language and would also randomly quote George Bernard Shaw. If Shakespeare were alive, he would have attended tambram weddings with the sole motive of listening to such discourses and taking down notes.
3) The Hindu-maama: In the midst of the ruckus that is the tambram wedding, if you spot a spectacle clad Maama seemingly uninterested in the proceedings of the day, do not be alarmed. He is in all probability, “The- Hindu” maama. The Hindu-maama visits any wedding, clutching a copy of the day’s Hindu. All the yellow rice throwing, petals showering and loud nadaswaram playing can in no way disrupt his austere activity. He would start reading the paper when the groom sets out on his kasi yatrai, read more when the oonjal ceremony is in progress and read some more when the groom ties the mangalyam around the bride’s neck. What does the maama do when he is done reading, you may ask? The maama simple pulls out a pen from his breast pocket and immerses himself in the literary fantasy that is the Hindu crossword.
4) The NRI maami: The NRI maami has just landed after her first visit to the “states” and will leave no stone unturned in order to drive home the point to every stranger she meets. Armed with an iPhone 3GS and a suprabatam ring tone, this maami will recount her English Vinglish tales to any unassuming person who makes the mistake of lending a ear. Be prepared to listen to details of her west coast tour( bay area perumala sevichelo?), her shopping spree at Macy’s and how she made mor kuzhambu for a bunch of home sick Indians.
5) The ‘bakshanam’ maami: No, she is not the maami who hops from one house to another during Deepavali season to makes bakshanams for its inhabitants. This is the maami who will sneak into the kitchen during the pre-lunch time, bribe the cook and neatly tuck away some yummy bakshanam into a plastic cover for later consumption. She is also the same maami who will later complain about the absence of the complimentary baadusha + mixture packet in every tamboolam pai.
6) The match making maami: This maami is the walking encyclopedia of eligible tambram bachelors/bacherlorettes. There isn’t a single (pun intended) man or woman, who can escape from her radar. She loves handing out horoscopes to anyone who wants one and also gives you a one minute gist of the boy’s profile in reverse chronological order including his board exam score in mathematics.
A few other stereotypes that have been pointed out by thoughtcheckin
1) The handycam mama, who is recording every single thing, to send to Anu in Sunnyvale
2) The ‘Khanna’ kids, who, although being Parthasarathis, will wear ghagra and lehenga for muhurtam and call the pradakshinam as pheras and will have mehendi and sangeet as though it is Priyanka Chopra’s wedding
The Manga Pachadi 